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Being Gay and Following Jesus: Questions Teens Ask

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Being Gay and Following Jesus: Questions Teens Ask

Purpose
– Help teens explore honest questions about same-sex attraction and Christian faith in a safe, respectful setting.
– Encourage thoughtful, compassionate responses rooted in Scripture, prayer, and Christian community.
– Equip youth to love others well, care for their own hearts, and seek wise help when they’re confused or hurting.

Leader note
– Create a safe space: remind the group of ground rules (listen, don’t shame, keep confidentiality, ask questions kindly). Emphasize that people in the room may have different experiences and that everyone deserves respect.
– Stay pastoral and practical. If someone talks about hurting themselves, follow your church’s safety protocol and contact appropriate help immediately.

Opening (5–8 minutes)
– Begin with a short prayer asking God for wisdom, humility, and love. Invite honesty and a listening spirit.
– Icebreaker: “One word that comes to mind when you hear ‘being gay’” — everyone says their word once.

Scripture to read together
– Matthew 22:37–40 (Love God, love neighbor)
– John 13:34–35 (Love one another)
– Galatians 3:28 (One in Christ)
– Romans 1:26–27 and 1 Corinthians 6:9–11 (passages often discussed about sexual ethics)
– (Leader note: read with care; encourage discussion about interpretation and context.)

Short teaching (10–12 minutes)
– What people mean by “being gay”: a person is gay when they are emotionally or sexually attracted to people of the same sex. Some experience this as part of their identity; others describe it as feelings they didn’t choose.
– What the Bible teaches and how Christians understand it:
– Many Christians, including many Evangelicals, interpret certain Bible passages as teaching that sexual activity belongs in marriage between a man and a woman. This leads them to conclude that sexual relationships outside that context are not God’s design.
– At the same time, the central message of the gospel is grace, forgiveness, and new identity in Christ. The call of discipleship is to follow Jesus, grow in holiness, and love others.
– Different Christians disagree about causes, identities, and best pastoral responses; good faith, loving Christians can come to different conclusions on some details.
– How to combine truth and love:
– Speak truth gently and humbly.
– Prioritize relationships, care, and the dignity of every person.
– Recognize the difference between loving someone and endorsing every choice they make.
– If you personally feel same-sex attraction:
– Your worth is not defined by your attractions. Your identity is ultimately in Christ (Galatians 2:20, Galatians 3:28).
– You are not alone; many Christians struggle with various temptations and needs. Seek trusted Christian mentors and counselors.
– Avoid isolation and shame; find community and pastoral care that will listen and support you.

Q&A: Questions teens often ask (20–25 minutes)
– Is being gay a sin?
– Many Evangelicals say sexual activity outside of heterosexual marriage is sinful. However, attraction itself is experienced differently by people; some would distinguish between feelings (not chosen) and actions (chosen).
– Whatever your view, the Christian response should include compassion, repentance where needed, and reliance on the Holy Spirit for growth.
– Can someone be gay and follow Jesus?
– Yes. Many people who experience same-sex attraction love Jesus, serve in churches, and live faithful lives. Following Jesus is about loving God, turning from sin, and growing in obedience — things that are possible for everyone by God’s grace.
– What should I do if I’m attracted to the same sex?
– Talk with a trusted Christian leader, counselor, or mentor who will listen without condemning.
– Be honest in your prayer life and seek Scripture that points you to Christ’s love and strength.
– Build healthy friendships, avoid isolation, and ask for accountability and pastoral care if you’re struggling.
– How should I treat friends or classmates who are gay?
– Treat them with respect, kindness, and fairness. Don’t gossip or bully. Make space for conversations and be a safe friend.
– You can hold to your convictions while still offering compassion and friendship.
– What if my family member is gay?
– Love them as a person. Listen and show you care. Ask questions with humility rather than assuming everything about their life.
– Set boundaries if you’re uncomfortable, but avoid cutting people off because of their sexual orientation.
– What about church membership or leadership?
– Different churches have different policies. Many churches welcome and value people who experience same-sex attraction while maintaining traditional teachings about marriage and sexual behavior. Ask your church leaders about their approach.

Small-group activity (10–15 minutes)
– Scenario role-plays (in pairs or trios): give each group a short scenario to role-play and then discuss.
– Example scenarios: “Your friend tells you they’re gay and scared to tell anyone else.” “A classmate says Christians are hypocrites for being against gay relationships.” “You feel attracted to your friend and don’t know what to do.”
– After role-play, ask: What did the person need most in that moment? How could you show both truth and love?

Discussion prompts (10 minutes)
– How do we balance speaking honestly about what we believe with treating people like Jesus did?
– What is one practical way our youth group can be a safe place for people with doubts or who feel different?
– Who could you talk to if you were confused or hurting about this issue?

Pastoral care and safety (3–5 minutes)
– If someone expresses self-harm or serious distress, follow safety procedures immediately and connect them with a trusted adult and professional help.
– Encourage teens to seek counseling from a Christian counselor or mental-health professional who respects their faith.
– Remind them: no single conversation or leader has all the answers. It’s okay to keep asking and seeking God.

Closing (3–5 minutes)
– Invite a short prayer time: pray for love, wisdom, healing for anyone who’s hurting, and courage to live faithfully as followers of Jesus.
– Offer follow-up: set up times for anyone who wants to talk privately with a youth leader, pastor, or counselor.

Suggested further resources for leaders and teens
– Encourage reading Scripture and trustworthy Christian writings on pastoral care and sexuality. Discuss resources with your pastor before recommending.
– Suggest speaking with a pastor, youth leader, or Christian counselor for ongoing support.

Final reminder
– Above all, Jesus calls his followers to love God and love people. Whether you are asking questions, experiencing same-sex attraction, or seeing a friend struggle, respond with truth spoken gently, compassion, and the hope found in Christ.

You Might Enjoy: The Bible Vs. Research on Premarital sex. | 26 Bible Verses on Incest in the NIV & NET |

Questions for Lesson

1. How does being gay affect your daily relationship with Jesus, your prayer life, and your sense of identity as a Christian?

2. When you think about coming out (or choosing not to), what are your biggest fears and hopes for how family, friends, and your church will respond?

3. How does being gay influence your thinking about future relationships, dating, and marriage within your faith convictions?

4. According to the lesson, what does John 3:16 teach about God’s love and how should that shape the way Christians treat gay people?

5. Which Bible passages does the lesson identify as most often discussed regarding same-sex relationships (for example Leviticus 18:22 or Romans 1:26–27), and what approaches to interpreting those passages did the lesson present?

6. What practical responses did the lesson recommend for churches and Christian teens when ministering to or walking with gay peers (for example hospitality, truth with grace, counseling, boundaries)?

Scriptures

Genesis 1:27
Genesis 19
Leviticus 18:22
Leviticus 20:13
Romans 1:18-27
1 Corinthians 6:9-11
1 Timothy 1:8-11
Jude 1:7
Matthew 22:34-40
John 13:34-35
Luke 6:37
Mark 2:17
Acts 10:34-35
Galatians 3:28
Romans 8:1
Romans 12:9-21
1 Corinthians 13
Psalm 139:13-16
Jeremiah 1:4-5
Micah 6:8
Colossians 3:12-14
Galatians 5:22-23
Isaiah 56:3-5
Matthew 25:31-46

Worship Music for LEsson

1) You Say — Lauren Daigle
– Speaks directly to questions of worth, doubt, and identity in Christ; very relatable style and popular with teens.

2) Who You Say I Am — Hillsong Worship
– Emphasizes belonging and being chosen by God, a helpful counterpoint for conversations about identity and acceptance.

3) No Longer Slaves — Bethel Music (Jonathan David & Melissa Helser)
– Focuses on freedom from fear and shame and being a child of God, which can resonate with teens wrestling with belonging and labels.

4) Good Good Father — Chris Tomlin
– Centers on the loving, caring nature of God as Father, offering reassurance and comfort for teens asking hard questions.

Object Lesson

Title: Being Gay and Following Jesus — A Props-Based Illustration for Teens

Goal: Help teens see that sexual orientation (being gay) and following Jesus are two realities that can exist together, and to invite honest questions, compassion, and faithful curiosity.

Needed props (easy to find):
– Two different colored ropes or long ribbons (one bright color, one neutral) to represent “identity” and “faith”
– A small hand mirror
– A compass or small toy compass (or a printed picture of a compass)
– A simple map or printed road sign graphic with arrows (one arrow labeled “Questions,” another labeled “Answers/Truth,” one labeled “Community”)
– A stack of index cards with questions teens might ask (prewritten and blank cards for teen contributions)
– A box or basket labeled “Assumptions”
– A plain cloth or small flag labelled “Grace”
– A Bible (or the preferred faith resource for your group)
– Optional: multi-colored socks or name-tags so volunteers can pick one quickly

Set-up before presentation:
– Place the ropes/ribbons, mirror, compass, and map on a small table visible to the group.
– Put the “Assumptions” box on the table as well.
– Have index cards within reach.
– Put the Bible and the “Grace” cloth on the table too.
– Arrange seating so volunteers can come up to the front easily.

How to present (suggested script and actions — adapt your language to your group):

1) Opening (30–60 seconds)
Say: “I want to do a quick picture to help us think about a question a lot of teens have: ‘Can I be gay and follow Jesus?’ I’ll use some simple props — and I’ll need two volunteers to help.” (Invite two teens to come up.)

2) Identity and Faith ropes (1–2 minutes)
Hand one volunteer the bright ribbon and say: “This ribbon is your identity — things about you that shape who you are, like your likes, your family, the things people call you, and your sexual orientation. Hold it up.”
Give the other volunteer the neutral ribbon and say: “This is your faith — the way you relate to Jesus, your beliefs, commitments, the way you try to follow him. Hold it up.”

Ask the volunteers to cross the ropes. Say: “Some people act like these two ropes can’t touch — as if you must choose one or the other. But watch what happens when we gently knot them.” (Tie a loose knot where the ropes cross.) “They can be connected. They are different, but they can be joined.”

Make the point: “Being gay is about who you are attracted to — it’s part of your identity. Following Jesus is about your relationship and commitment to him. They’re different things, and they can be connected.”

3) Mirror moment (30–60 seconds)
Hand the mirror to one volunteer: “Look in the mirror. What do you see?” (Pause for maybe one word answers, or let them say nothing.) Say: “You don’t become less of who you are when you follow Jesus. Jesus looked into people’s lives and saw people — not labels first.”

4) Compass and map (1–2 minutes)
Hold up the compass: “A compass shows direction. Following Jesus is about direction — a way of life, values, and following God’s lead.” Put the compass near the map/road signs: “Sometimes people ask, ‘If I’m gay, which way do I go?’ This map shows three important paths that don’t cancel each other: Questions (it’s okay to ask), Answers/Truth (we keep seeking truth with humility), and Community (we need people who love us).”

5) Assumptions box and index-card activity (3–5 minutes)
Hold up the “Assumptions” box: “A lot of hurt comes from assumptions — about what God thinks, what church thinks, or what people will say. Let’s clear out some assumptions.”
Invite teens (either the two volunteers or the whole group) to pick one prewritten question card from the stack or write a question on a blank card and place it on the map under “Questions.” Read a few aloud (examples you might have prepared: “Does God love gay people?” “Can I be in a church?” “What does the Bible say?” “Do I have to choose?”).

As you read each question, respond briefly and kindly, keeping the tone honest and pastoral. Example short responses:
– “God’s love is for people. That’s what Jesus modeled.”
– “Church should be a place to belong and to wrestle, not only to be judged.”
– “The Bible is read in context; people of good faith come to different conclusions. We can study it together.”
– “You don’t have to pretend. We want space to help you think and pray.”

6) Grace cloth (30 seconds)
Drape the “Grace” cloth over the knotted ropes and the compass: “Ultimately, following Jesus calls us to grace — to mercy, to humility, and to love. That doesn’t mean we stop asking questions about truth. It means we treat one another with care as we search.”

7) Bible (30 seconds)
Pick up the Bible: “For people who follow Jesus, the Bible shapes us. But scripture reading should lead us to Christlike love and to honest study, not to bullying or shame. If you want to study Bible passages about sexuality and faith, let’s do it together — openly and respectfully.”

8) Wrap-up invitation and group reflection (2–4 minutes)
Ask the group: “What did you notice about the ropes, the mirror, the compass? Which part felt most important?” Allow a few quick responses.

Conclude: “Being gay is part of who someone can be. Following Jesus is about the direction of our lives and how we live in relationship with him and others. They can coexist. We won’t have all the answers today, but we can promise three things: to listen, to study together, and to practice grace.”

Discussion prompts to use after the illustration:
– What questions do you still have?
– When have you felt judged for something about who you are?
– How can our group be a place where people can both follow Jesus and be honest about who they are?
– Who would you want to study or talk with — a pastor, mentor, or friend — about these things?

Tips for the presenter:
– Keep language simple and nonjudgmental. Teens respond best to authenticity and humility.
– Expect different views in the room; model listening rather than giving long lectures.
– If you’re in a denominational setting with clear teaching, you can explain that teaching while also encouraging compassionate conversation. If you lead a mixed group, focus on mutual respect and exploration.
– If a teen shares something personal, ask permission before repeating it, and follow your organization’s safeguarding rules.
– Have resources ready for follow-up (trusted leaders, counselors, books, websites) that reflect your group’s approach.

This illustration is meant to start conversation, reduce shame, and model how a community can hold identity and faith together while pursuing truth with compassion.

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