Breaking News!

Which Bible verse or passage would you like rewritten as a breaking-news story? Please give book, chapter and verse(s) or say “pick one” (I can choose John 3:16, Genesis 1:1, Luke 2:11, Matthew 28:5–6, etc.). Any translation preference?

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Howdy y’all, it’s Jude here. Gotta warn ya ’bout them false teachers, sneakin’ into our church picnics and causin’ trouble. They ain’t got no respect for authority, spoutin’ off nonsense. But don’t y’all worry, we’ll show ’em the door faster than a possum up a tree. Keep yer faith strong, y’all. Yeehaw!

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Yo, don’t blame the sandwich — dirty’s from within: mind-mischief, lust, theft, murder, cheating, greed; mean plots, lies, filthy jokes, envy, slander, swagger full of pride. That nasty playlist plays, spills out the mouth — now that’s the real unclean. Mic drop.