Breaking News!

Which Bible verse would you like rewritten as breaking news? Please give the book, chapter, verse (and translation if you have a preference). If you want, I can pick a public-domain verse (e.g., John 3:16, KJV) and rewrite it.

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Howdy y’all, it’s Jude here. Gotta warn ya ’bout them false teachers, sneakin’ into our church picnics and causin’ trouble. They ain’t got no respect for authority, spoutin’ off nonsense. But don’t y’all worry, we’ll show ’em the door faster than a possum up a tree. Keep yer faith strong, y’all. Yeehaw!

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How Evangelicals and Amishs view Boxing

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Yo, gospel: Christ died, was buried, rose on cue,
Seen by many — that’s the proof I chew.
If no rising, faith’s a joke,
But He rose — death got smoked.
From dust to glory, bodies flip, imperishable story.
Last trumpet blows: victory! Death defeated, life eternal.