Breaking News!

Which Bible verse or passage would you like rewritten as a breaking-news story? Please give the book, chapter and verse (and a preferred translation, if any). If you prefer, I can choose a well-known verse and paraphrase it—just say so.

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Howdy y’all, it’s Jude here. Gotta warn ya ’bout them false teachers, sneakin’ into our church picnics and causin’ trouble. They ain’t got no respect for authority, spoutin’ off nonsense. But don’t y’all worry, we’ll show ’em the door faster than a possum up a tree. Keep yer faith strong, y’all. Yeehaw!

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Yo, if you chow with doubt you kill the vibe, that’s whack;
Guilt on your fork? Then rewind — don’t eat what’s slack.
Act from faith, keep your spirit lit;
Anything not rooted in trust? That’s sin — so quit.