Breaking News!

Which Bible verse or passage would you like rewritten as a breaking-news story (55 words or fewer)? You can name a verse (e.g., John 3:16), a scene (e.g., Resurrection, Nativity, Exodus), or paste the text. Any preferred tone or translation?

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Howdy y’all, it’s Jude here. Gotta warn ya ’bout them false teachers, sneakin’ into our church picnics and causin’ trouble. They ain’t got no respect for authority, spoutin’ off nonsense. But don’t y’all worry, we’ll show ’em the door faster than a possum up a tree. Keep yer faith strong, y’all. Yeehaw!

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How Evangelicals and Amishs view Boxing

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We flex with “good deeds” like glossy mags,
but our finest fits are lint and rags.
Righteousness? More like smoke-stained cloth,
laundry-day fail — God’s like, “nah, sloth.”
Only mercy tailors us clean and true;
grace drops the drip, renews the crew.