Florida Man David Crowns Himself King!

Florida Man David, also known as David the Conqueror, has just made history by crowning himself as the king of his own kingdom! In a press conference held in his backyard, David announced to his loyal subjects (aka his cats) that he will no longer be referred to as David the Floridian, but as King David of Florida.

David’s rise to power was not without controversy. Reports claim that he had to fight off alligators and giant mosquitoes to establish his kingdom. He even had to negotiate with his neighbor, who owned the palm tree that was blocking his view of the sunset, in order to expand his territory.

But David’s biggest challenge came in the form of a rival kingdom led by the infamous Goliath of Miami, who was known for his towering height and love for Cuban sandwiches. The two kingdoms battled it out in a fierce game of beach volleyball, with David’s team emerging victorious.

With his victory secured, David officially crowned himself king, donning a crown made of seashells and a cape made of flamingo feathers. He then declared that all of Florida shall bow down to him and that Key West shall forever be his vacation home.

Despite his questionable tactics, David’s ambition and determination are undeniable. Who knows, maybe one day we’ll see him take on the rest of the United States!

As for the original story, 2 Samuel 5:3 states: "When all the elders of Israel had come to King David at Hebron, the king made a covenant with them at Hebron before the Lord, and they anointed David king over Israel." It’s a fascinating tale of leadership, betrayal, and triumph. We encourage you to read it for yourself and discover the true depth of David’s story.