NT Sales Pitch

Looking for a juicy family tree? Check out Matthew 1 – the OG of genealogy. Guaranteed to make your ancestors look boring.

Get wise like the Magi – read Matthew 2 for the ultimate guide to gift-giving and avoiding tyrant kings. Guaranteed to bring joy (and laughs) to your holiday season!

Get your daily dose of blessedness with Matthew 5 – the perfect read to keep the devil away and your salvation intact! Order now!

“Jesus rode a donkey, you can ride the wave of salvation with Matthew 21. Get your holy fix today!” #blessed #salvation #funny

Want heavenly rewards AND a clear conscience? Look no further! Matthew 6 has all the tips for humble bragging and righteous living. Order now!

Get your life on track with Matthew 7 – the original self-help book! Guaranteed to leave you feeling ‘blessed and highly favored’!

“Hey there, wanna know how to inherit eternal life? Check out Matthew 19 – it’s got all the tips and tricks!” #BibleHumor #EternalLifeGoals

Get hired by the ultimate boss! Join the Matthew 20 team and work for the man who turns water into wine #miraculousperks #divinebenefits

Get ready to see Jesus like you’ve never seen him before in Matthew 17! It’s the ultimate spiritual face lift, guaranteed to make you say ‘Holy Moses!’

Hey, are you tired of dealing with drama? Let Matthew 18 be your mediator! It’s the original “block and delete” method. #BibleHumor

“Buy Matthew 15 today and get a free lesson on why it’s what’s on the inside that counts! Plus, witness Jesus roast the Pharisees like never before!” #HolyHumor #BuyNow

Want to invest in the ultimate rock? Check out Matthew 16 – it’s got solid returns and a guaranteed foundation. Plus, no risk of erosion!