“Get the ultimate upgrade with Mark 2 – now with more parables, miracles, and disciples than ever before! Don’t settle for Mark 1, upgrade to the gospel of the future!” #UpgradeYourFaith #Mark2

Looking for a life-changing read? Check out John 3 – it’s got more wisdom than your mom’s Facebook feed and way better than a self-help book.

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Looking to spice up your afterlife? Choose Mark 16 and get a thrilling finale of resurrected Jesus and soaring angels. Don’t miss out!

Looking for a crowd-pleasing miracle? Try John 2 – water into wine, the ultimate party trick! Guaranteed to impress guests.

Looking for a suit of armor that’s divinely inspired? Look no further than Mark 15 – guaranteed to be the envy of all your enemies! #blessed #armorUP

Looking for a savior? Look no further than John 1! He’s the light of the world, the way, the truth, and the life. Plus, he turns water into wine! #miracleworker #blessed

Get your hands on Mark 14: the OG Last Supper party guide – complete with wine, bread, betrayal, and a side of foot washing. Don’t miss out!

Get the hottest seat in town at Luke 14’s banquet! Guaranteed to satisfy your hunger for truth and leave you feeling blessed.

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Feeling guilty? Repent with Luke 13! It’s the perfect excuse to avoid the gym and focus on your absolution instead. #HeavenlyResults