Greetings, Earthlings! This is Marvin the Martian, reporting live from the planet Mars. Today, I will be telling you the story of the Bible’s book of Genesis.
In the beginning, according to the book of Genesis, there was nothing. Absolutely nothing. But then, out of the void, God created the sky, the earth, the sea, plants, animals, and humans. However, God only rested after six days of work, which seems like slacking to me.
Anyways, God created Adam and Eve as the first humans. But things went sour when Eve was tricked by a serpent into taking a bite of an apple from the forbidden tree of knowledge. Thanks to Eve’s sweet tooth, the two were cast out of the garden and had to deal with pain, suffering, and the forceful eviction.
However, things quickly went downhill from there. Adam and Eve’s children Cain and Abel had some sibling rivalry issues. In a fit of jealousy, Cain murdered Abel— I mean, come on now, you can’t just solve problems with violence like that.
As the story goes on, the flood took out mankind, except for Noah and his family. After the flood, Noah’s descendants repopulated the earth, and a group of people built the Tower of Babel to reach heaven. But God didn’t like the idea, so he gave them different languages.
Finally, the book of Genesis ends with Abraham and his family receiving God’s promise of descendants and land. However, Abraham had to face numerous trials, including being willing to sacrifice his son Isaac, lucky him, it was just a test.
And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen. The story of Genesis told through my Martian eyes. As I like to say, “Where’s the kaboom? There was supposed to be an Earth-shattering kaboom!”
