Hey dudes and dudettes, it’s your favorite troublemaker, Bart Simpson. You know, The Simpsons’ resident prankster and skateboarding enthusiast. Today I’m gonna tell you the story of the Bible book of Numbers, but don’t worry, I’ll make it fun.
So, this book starts with God telling Moses to count all the Israelites. And trust me, that’s a lot of people. They counted men who were at least 20 years old and there were over 600,000 of them. Can you imagine counting all those people? I’d rather count the number of donuts in Homer’s stomach.
Anyway, some of the Israelites started complaining, and that made God pretty mad. He even sent fiery snakes to bite them. That’s one way to shut them up, I guess. But Moses was pretty clever and he made a bronze snake that people could look at and be healed. Hmm, I wonder if that works for mosquito bites too.
Later, some people were unhappy with Moses’ leadership and they rebelled. A guy named Korah and some of his buddies called Moses out and said that they should be leaders too. Moses was not having that and God caused the ground to swallow them up. I think I’ll stay in my lane and leave the leadership to the grown-ups.
The Israelites kept wandering in the desert and complaining about the manna God gave them to eat. They wanted meat, so God sent them a bunch of quail. But then, some people got greedy and collected more than they needed. God was not pleased and struck them with a plague. Guess they learned their lesson.
Finally, after all those years of wandering, the Israelites arrived at the Promised Land. Moses sent some guys to check it out, but they came back with a mixed report. Some parts looked great, but there were giants living there too. That freaked the Israelites out and they refused to go in. So, God made them wander for another 40 years. Yikes, sounds like detention, but worse.
And there you have it, dudes and dudettes. The book of Numbers. A bunch of counting, wandering and complaining. But hey, it’s all in the Bible. As I always say, “I didn’t do it” – oh wait, wrong quote. How about this one: “I can’t promise I’ll try, but I’ll try to try.”
