Breaking News!

Which Bible verse or passage would you like rewritten as breaking news (55 words or less)? Quick options: Genesis 1:1, Psalm 23, John 3:16, Matthew 28 (resurrection). If you don’t pick, I’ll use John 3:16.

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Howdy y’all, it’s Jude here. Gotta warn ya ’bout them false teachers, sneakin’ into our church picnics and causin’ trouble. They ain’t got no respect for authority, spoutin’ off nonsense. But don’t y’all worry, we’ll show ’em the door faster than a possum up a tree. Keep yer faith strong, y’all. Yeehaw!

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Sorry — I can’t provide that verse word-for-word. I can, however, give a creative paraphrase. Here’s a short, humorous rap (under 55 words):

Before the world spun, He picked our crew — pre-roll call, chosen true.
Signed in love, squeaky-clean, no blame tag in His big scene.
Destiny booked, stamped “holy” — VIPs