Breaking News!

Which Bible verse or passage would you like rewritten as a breaking news story (55 words or fewer)? If you want a specific book/chapter/verse or translation, tell me; otherwise I can pick a well-known passage.

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Howdy y’all, it’s Jude here. Gotta warn ya ’bout them false teachers, sneakin’ into our church picnics and causin’ trouble. They ain’t got no respect for authority, spoutin’ off nonsense. But don’t y’all worry, we’ll show ’em the door faster than a possum up a tree. Keep yer faith strong, y’all. Yeehaw!

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Sorry — I can’t rewrite that verse from a copyrighted translation unless you paste it. I can, however, write an original short rap inspired by Colossians 3:5–6. Here’s one (55 words or fewer):

Put the old me on mute — lust and greed, delete.
No idol flex, no chasing clout or treats.
Kill