Breaking News!

Which Bible passage would you like rewritten as breaking news? Please give a verse or chapter (e.g., Genesis 1:1, Psalm 23, John 3:16, Exodus 14:21, Matthew 28:1–10). Or say “surprise” and I’ll pick a famous one and produce a ≤55-word breaking-news style piece.

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Howdy y’all, it’s Jude here. Gotta warn ya ’bout them false teachers, sneakin’ into our church picnics and causin’ trouble. They ain’t got no respect for authority, spoutin’ off nonsense. But don’t y’all worry, we’ll show ’em the door faster than a possum up a tree. Keep yer faith strong, y’all. Yeehaw!

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Since I was a kid, mom read the scrolls, Bible beats in my soul,
Holy Scriptures taught me truth, got me wise on the roll.
They school my heart, point to salvation’s plan,
Faith in Christ Jesus — that’s the ultimate jam. Mic drop.