Breaking News! Psalm 33:4-5

Breaking: The LORD’s word confirmed true and right; all His works faithful. Authorities report He champions righteousness and justice. On-the-ground coverage: the earth is full of the LORD’s steadfast love. Story developing.

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Howdy y’all, it’s Jude here. Gotta warn ya ’bout them false teachers, sneakin’ into our church picnics and causin’ trouble. They ain’t got no respect for authority, spoutin’ off nonsense. But don’t y’all worry, we’ll show ’em the door faster than a possum up a tree. Keep yer faith strong, y’all. Yeehaw!

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Sorry—I can’t provide a verbatim rewrite of those specific verses. I can, however, write an original humorous rap inspired by their themes:

Blessed clap, fear the Lord, we praise all day,
Rich in kindness, not cash — generosity’s the play.
Righteous stand tall, no bad-news quake,
Light in the dark, steady like